no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
