you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you have to choose: penises or morals?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
