i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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