Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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