this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude i'm inner monologue high
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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