I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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