We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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