Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
