My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
