He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
