She is in my trunk
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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