Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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