And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
