i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
