Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
