the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
