saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
