gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
