Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
