Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Randomize
