The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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