You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
