i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
