My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
