I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Jerry, you need to find god
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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