Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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