I'm gonna have a badass scar
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
