I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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