I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
