I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
