And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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