I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
