her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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