maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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