woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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