im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
