There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
