Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
