I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
