ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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