thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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