so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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