When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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