You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The air was thick with penises
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
