there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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