Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I want to fling myself into the sun
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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