Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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