There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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