so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
