I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
