I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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